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acting out fantasies


Some individuals and couples want to do more than just think about fantasies — they want to act them out.  This can add a very spicy dimension to love-making as long as both are willing and the boundaries are clear from the outset.

Acting out fantasies can be merely verbal, involve dressing-up or, in some cases, require role-playing and an entire scenario of make-believe.  The verbal variety usually takes the form of love-talk within the context of the sex act.  Dressing up for the woman can mean wearing a sexy negligee, a maid's uniform, or even just one tantalising accessory — such as being nude but leaving on earrings.  Guys dress up less often as such, but might allow their penises to be decorated à la Lady Chatterley, or perhaps might model sexy underpants.

Full-blown fantasy play-acting is a different kettle of fish and can take an infinite variety of forms.  Even couples who would never get into pain in a serious way might enjoy some mock tying-up or light 'whipping'.  Costumes can be used, dialogue exchanged in character, stories acted out — it can go as far or be as mild as the participants choose.
I recommend that inexperienced couples keep this playing-out very lighthearted with the emphasis on fun and titillation.  Also, these activities should not override or replace 'normal' love-making, but rather be an adjunct, an extra mode of pleasure, a sex aid in the truest sense.

Can fantasies ever be dangerous?  In my opinion, no, if we take the word 'fantasy' literally.  I remember a caller asking me if I thought he was 'bad' for fantasising about having sex with small children.  I had to give a very careful answer.  I said as a fantasy, no, because fantasies only exist in the mind, but if there was any crossover into reality, then he would need to seek professional help.

I base this advice on the view that no-one owns what goes on in another person's mind, and no fantasy is therefore intrinsically bad.

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