and couples want to do more than just think about fantasies
they want to act them out. This can add a very spicy dimension
to love-making as long as both are willing and the boundaries are
clear from the outset.
Acting out fantasies
can be merely verbal, involve dressing-up or, in some cases, require
role-playing and an entire scenario of make-believe. The verbal
variety usually takes the form of love-talk within the context of
the sex act. Dressing up for the woman can mean wearing a
sexy negligee, a maid's uniform, or even just one tantalising accessory
such as being nude but leaving on earrings. Guys dress
up less often as such, but might allow their penises to be decorated
à la Lady Chatterley, or perhaps might model sexy underpants.
Full-blown fantasy play-acting
is a different kettle of fish and can take an infinite variety of
forms. Even couples who would never get into pain in a serious
way might enjoy some mock tying-up or light 'whipping'. Costumes
can be used, dialogue exchanged in character, stories acted out
it can go as far or be as mild as the participants choose.
I recommend that inexperienced couples keep this playing-out very
lighthearted with the emphasis on fun and titillation. Also,
these activities should not override or replace 'normal' love-making,
but rather be an adjunct, an extra mode of pleasure, a sex aid in
the truest sense.
Can fantasies ever be
dangerous? In my opinion, no, if we take the word 'fantasy'
literally. I remember a caller asking me if I thought he was
'bad' for fantasising about having sex with small children.
I had to give a very careful answer. I said as a fantasy,
no, because fantasies only exist in the mind, but if there was any
crossover into reality, then he would need to seek professional
I base this advice on
the view that no-one owns what goes on in another person's mind,
and no fantasy is therefore intrinsically bad.