a rich source of fantasy for many people. Unfulfilled desires
in waking life can manifest in our sleeping life. As dreams
are direct, if cryptic, messages from our subconscious minds, we
can come to understand a lot about our deep feelings and true motivations
through our dream experiences. Many repressed sexual desires
and guilt feelings show up, and, according to Freud, all our dream
activity relates in some way to sex.
Whether we wish to go
that far or not, certainly dreams have a lot to teach us about our
sexual natures and our fears and anxieties. If you are a dream
recaller, study your dreams for messages and clues about your sexual
life, real or imagined. If you're not, take a course or read
some books about achieving recall as it's a most worthwhile pursuit.
For the purposes of this web site, I do want to mention two particular
areas about dreams that are relevant erotic dreams and dream
The source of erotic
dreams can be sexual repression, expression of fears and anxieties,
Sexual repression, if
severe enough to prevent a person from having an active or fulfilling
sex life, can show up in dreams through highly erotic experiences
that often leave the dreamer embarrassed and confused.
In these cases, there is a big contrast between the waking sexuality
and the dream experiences. Those who recall and study their
dreams can learn about their needs and desires in this way.
Similarly, fears and
anxieties about personal or shared sexual behaviour and feelings
often show up in dreams. Sometimes, they may be disguised
as other activities or events, but they can also appear in the form
of explicit sexual images that are enjoyable, yet disturbing.
For instance, if you should dream of having sex with your mother
or your boss, you may worry that you have illicit feelings for these
people. However, the dream may be conveying something else
altogether, such as a message regarding your relationship with these
It may be overly simplistic
to say that those who have balanced and happy sex lives in reality
need not dream about sex at night, but to some extent, this is true.
Dreams have a lesson to teach us, if we are prepared to listen.
If you're regularly having erotic experiences during sleep,
check your daytime reality, and see where the differences and similarities
lie. Don't read too much into them without professional input
which would certainly be recommended if a particular dream
What of people who are
simply highly sexed and enjoy having erotic dream experiences?
Certainly, dreams can be 'incubated' to produce specific images
and events and there's nothing wrong with that. It's just
another way to fantasise. If not done deliberately, it could
be an expression of 'wish-fulfilment', which simply means that we
dream of something that our hearts desire, whether we are consciously
aware of it or not. So, a woman without a sex partner might
dream of having sex with Tom Cruise every night, or a married guy
who isn't getting as much sex as he wants might dream he's at a
Roman orgy and Madonna is dancing just for him!
You can actually conjure
up a dream lover, if you wish. I call this the ultimate safe
sex! It may not be quite as good as the real thing but it's
an exciting substitute if you do it right. According to Denise
Linn, an international dream therapist, 'Taking a dream lover, or
lots of lovers, is one constructive way to fulfil the desire for
diversity while keeping your present love relationship intact.
It is also excellent for the single person since a dream lover can
appease the compulsive need to be with a partner. Consequently,
you can be more selective in your choice of a companion'. In
her book, Pocket Full of Dreams, Denise suggests a specific
meditation for conjuring up a dream lover. She also speaks
about opening the sexual energy centre of the body, allowing this
channel to flow freely through. 'Allow it to open and your
sexuality will increase', says Denise. Saying affirmations
at bedtime can enhance dream experiences. Here are two Denise
recommends: 'Tonight, show me the highest potential of sexuality',
and 'Tonight, let me dream of divine intimacy with my partner'.
Finally, 'Dreams can be a pathway to ecstasy. They can be
a way to expand love for others and love of self and can be used
to work out sexual difficulties within waking life'.
Research shows that 70
per cent of women of all ages have erotic dreams, and statistics
for males are even higher. Therefore, the potential for personal
growth and knowledge via this mysterious realm of experience that
we inhabit every night is unlimited. You can use it as another
way to enhance your sexuality.
Fantasy can add spice
and fun to your sex life. Don't be afraid to try it whatever
your age and experience. Remember, your mind is where sexual
feeling begins, and there are no limits to your thoughts except
those you put on them yourself because of fears and guilt.
Free your mind and watch
your world, sexual and otherwise, expand.