is vital for all aspects of relationships. It is the fuel
of trust and honesty. It helps couples feel close, it clears
up misunderstandings and allays fears. In sexual matters,
it is imperative because so many unnecessary hurts and wrong ideas
are created when people keep doubts and fears to themselves.
Not talking about a problem doesn't make it go away it just
creates more resentment. Good communication is particularly crucial
in relation to the following:
- Asking what your
partner enjoys in bed and being clear about your own preferences.
- Checking before trying
anything new or different.
- Expressing and showing
how you like to be touched, the amount of pressure, the type of
movement, etc.; asking for the same information from your partner.
- Being sensitive to
your partner's moods and feelings.
- Being aware of inexperience
and/or nervousness in relation to particular sex acts.
- Being aware of your
partner's history so that you don't reopen old wounds or do something
that is emotionally painful to them. This would be especially
relevant in the case of incest or rape victims.
- Using sex talk for
enhancement, but not more than both are comfortable with. The
same applies to use of sex toys and playing out of fantasies.
- Making sure that you
and your partner are both getting what you want; this can be achieved
by body language and/or speech.
- Respecting each other's
wishes when sex is not desired and finding other ways to enjoy
time in bed.
- Learning how to say
no gently so that your partner never feels rejected.
- Asking in a sensitive
way if there appears to be any sort of problem between you.
- Recognising the vulnerable
quality of a sexual relationship, never making jokes about sensitive
subjects or pointing out idiosyncrasies because, although your
partner might laugh, no-one likes to feel stupid in bed.
- Never taking your
partner for granted. Don't just assume she or he will like
what you like or want what you want. Ask!