Over and above
inadequate sex education, poor attitudes are learned from parents,
families, teachers, friends, society in general. So much of
what our society believes is based on negativity. Parents
express and display their frustrations to their children by poor
role-modelling, aggressive behaviour and destructive ideas, such
as 'all men are bastards', 'women will take you for all you're worth',
'guys only have one thing on their minds'.
Kids grow up believing
these distorted ideas and go out into the world to live them. We
sometimes forget the power of words and their influence. A
girl who is continually told that sex is a 'guy thing' might develop
an aversion to her own body, and suppress her own sexual feelings
in the mistaken belief that she's a slut for having them.
If she's constantly told that she's plain and unattractive, she
will automatically think she's sexually undesirable also. This
makes her feel insecure and there are only two ways to go with insecurity
grasp for more of something or cut it out of your life altogether.
Asexual people have chosen the latter path, consciously or
It's a myth that only
women can be 'frigid', that is, uninterested in sex. Men who
want to concentrate on higher thought or spiritual development often
suppress sexual desire, as we see with the ascetics of India and
Tibet. Even Western men are not all hooked on sex, either
for psychological reasons or by choice.
The two key words in
psychological health, for me, are choice and balance. If you
make an informed choice about any area of your life and you don't
go to one extreme or another, you're probably okay. However,
being a victim of circumstances, or believing you are, is not okay.
You're never out of choices. You are as sexual as you choose