A totally different
way to enjoy sex comes from an ancient source but is beginning to
attract interest and popularity in today's world. It is known
as Tantra, but is also sometimes called 'sacred sex' or 'spiritual
sex'. It originated in India and is 2000 years old.
Although the concepts
are old, many of them are foreign to Western men and women in general.
For instance, some involve ritualised sexual practices.
The main difference between
Tantra and conventional love-making is that the emphasis for the
latter is placed on genital satisfaction while the former engages
the entire body, mind, heart and soul.
A Tantric sex session
might go on for several days and nights and this is possible because
it's less physically demanding than intercourse as such. It
consists of spiritual connection as well, using lots of touch, massage
and eye contact, feeling and mind contact.
Orgasm is of less emphasis
and certainly, it's not the key aim. When it does occur, it
is a 'whole-body' orgasm, coming in waves over the entire person,
rather than being a short burst of pleasure centred in the groin.
It is achieved through special breathing and may not involve any
contact at all with breasts, penis or clitoris. For example,
a client who tried Tantric sex had a whole-body orgasm just by having
a man stare deeply into her eyes.
Also, Tantric orgasm
energises rather than enervates, in other words, it's not draining
but refreshing. Men who practise Tantra can have a number
of orgasms without ejaculating, for it is believed that ejaculation
drains the body of precious energy and life-force.
What I like about the
ideas of Tantra is that it takes the focus away from orgasm, genitals
and performance. I've always thought that Western sex is far
too heavily based on these three components. Men are conditioned
to perform in order to please women and this puts undue pressure
on sexual encounters. There's sometimes the distraction of
emotion and ego fears, while Tantric sex can be devoid of love or
attachment. Its principles are more to do with spiritual enlightenment,
so it's ideal for those who fear emotional intensity and intimacy.
Tantra is experienced
in the moment and requires total concentration of mind and body.
It's depicted in the Kama Sutra and in Taoist literature, where
it is known as 'The way of love'. It engages the Kundalini
life-force and balances the Yin and Yang energies, thus eliminating
the need for posturing and role-playing in sex.
There's something that
Tantra exponents call 'open-heart', which happens to two people
who are in a deep spiritual and emotional connection. It does
not feel the same as sexual arousal yet you are physically very
close, and love seems to pass between you in palpable waves.
I have experienced it only once and I will never forget its magical
quality and its strange beauty.
Whether you decide to
try Tantric sex for yourself or stick to the more conventional sexual
approaches, it's a good idea to introduce a spiritual quality into
your love-making, especially if you're in a committed relationship.
It can only enhance your appreciation of your partner and your pleasure
in the joy of skin contact. We are ultimately spiritual beings,
so in connecting with our 'souls', we are really only going home
to ourselves in the most wonderful and natural way.
Sex has been misused,
abused, over-rated and under-rated but it's still the best way I
know to be close, to make contact and to express love. My
wish for all of you is blissful sex, whatever your age and whoever
you are. May it be uncomplicated, fulfilling, happy, fun,
intense, loving and everything you want it to be. The most
important message I have for you is that you have a right to enjoy
sex and to enjoy life. It's up to you, always, so allow it.
Give yourself the gift.