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reducing premature ejaculation

1. more sex helps
If a man doesn't have regular sex, or long periods of time elapse between intercourse, he's likely to be too keen and will ejaculate very quickiy after arousal.

2. sex without emotional commitment
Some men say that they can go longer if they're having sex with a stranger because there's no emotional investment and it doesn't matter if they 'fail'.  This does seem to vary among sufferers though, as some guys perform better generally if they're with a partner they care about.

3. varying the position
The missionary position seems to be about the worst when it comes to setting off ejaculation.  Many couples report that when the woman is on top the PE sufferer can go longer because he's doesn't have to thrust.  He can lie more passively so there's not as much likelihood of an early climax brought on by movement.

4. spontaneous sex
This apparently works better because the sufferer hasn't got time to get anxious or over-eager.  So, first thing in the morning, in the middle of the night or any other time when the urge comes on and there's little time for planning or worrying, PE is less likely to occur.

5. positive mental attitude
Being relaxed and confident is vital.  Deep breathing or even meditation before love-making will give the PE sufferer a calmer approach and avert ideas of failure or performance anxiety.  In our society, males have a lot of pressure on them to perform sexually.  Again, if we took the emphasis off intercourse as being the main sexual activity between couples, both men and women would be able to participate more freely and pleasurably, enjoying sensuality as much as sexuality.  The old 'in-out' is only one way to go and it's a mistake to think of intercourse as the be-all-and-end-all.  It's that kind of attitude that causes PE in the first place.

The mind is a powerful tool and can affect us positively or negatively.
If you realise that a 'wrong' idea is causing a problem in your life, it's a good idea to root it out and lose it once and for all.  It's also a grave mistake to let ego get tangled up with the way you view yourself and your interactions with others.  Whether or not you can get an erection and maintain it, whether or not you have a large penis and whether or not you have had many lovers, are irrelevant to whether or not you're a valuable person.  It's important to keep these notions separate.

If you think you're going to fail and you allow fear to control you, you almost certainly will bring on the very condition you dread.

6. help from a partner
A lot of marriages break up because of unsatisfactory sexual relations and they are the main cause of infidelity.  Therefore, a partner's attitude is vital to the improvement of any sexual dysfunction.  Women can help by being sympathetic and never patronising or criticising.

Together, as a couple, they should discuss what can be done — for instance, trying different positions and monitoring, over a period, factors that help and those that hinder.

Finding alternative ways for the woman to be satisfied is an important exercise so that her frustration doesn't become another factor of resentment in the marriage.  Direct clitoral stimulation with hand, mouth or vibrator is a very enjoyable addition to the foreplay repertoire of a couple.  Where there is an incidence of PE, this becomes especially relevant.  If a PE sufferer gives his partner an orgasm manually before intercourse, it doesn't matter quite so much if he's quick off the mark as she's already been satisfied.  Should she still prefer to achieve an orgasm during intercourse, this will be a lot easier if she has had adequate foreplay and is just on the verge of climax.

I'd like to think that no guys just 'jump on' these days but it certainly would be most inadvisable for any male with PE to do it.  One of my female listeners rang up with a short and pointed message to males regarding foreplay — do it!

7. squeeze technique
In the first stage, the woman manipulates the penis to coax orgasm.
As soon as the man thinks he's getting close, she squeezes the penis between fingers and thumb, where the head meets the shaft.  A quick, firm squeeze lasting a few seconds is required.  She then relaxes the penis and, after a short rest, the procedure begins again.  Timing is vital, as, once the man ejaculates, it may be a long time before he can get erect again and therefore, no more practice can occur.  As you can imagine, this technique takes time and patience.  It is usually recommended that it be continued for a week, during which time there should be no penis-vagina contact.

Another technique is known as the 'stop-start'.  This is also time consuming but not as taxing on the woman.  The penis is inserted into the vagina very slowly and then rests still inside for a few seconds before thrusting.  Only one in-out movement should be undertaken before another rest and so on.  If just entering the vagina brings ejaculation close, the man should withdraw immediately.  This exercise should continue for at least 15 minutes and the aim is to make as many thrusting movements as possible in that time without climax.

To sum up, all sexual dysfunctions benefit from a more relaxed attitude and taking the focus off genital contact.  For example, couples could begin all love-making sessions with a period of non-sexual interaction which brings them closer and reduces anxiety.



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