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sex and love are the same


Arguments abound on this subject.  Some people believe that women think of sex and love as synonymous while to men they're totally separate.  Again, that's too simplistic.

I'm firmly convinced that women can feel sexual urges and desires that are not tied in with love or commitment.  Those who say they can't have sex without becoming emotionally involved have simply been socialised or moralised to believe that.  Of course a woman can have a one-night stand and then walk away.  The difference between men and women on this issue may be that female sexuality is more introverted and therefore needs to be nurtured, while male sexuality is more overt and is more readily available.  In other words, biologically, yes, men and women are different.  Emotionally, I'm not so sure.  It's a well-known belief that men will screw any woman whether they care for her or not, but this is discounting the fact that men also have a deep need for warmth, affection and intimacy.  There are also millions of men who are faithful and committed to long-term relationships.

Having said all that, I must confess to the belief that sex and love are quite separate.  When the two come together, you have something that is beautiful and special, but it's quite possible and quite normal for men and women to experience sexual feelings without love and love without sexual feelings.  It's very restricting to insist that the one cannot exist without the other.

That's why I totally accept the concept that it is possible to still love one person and be unfaithful with another.  More men than women will use this as a defence, and I'm not arguing the morals of either side, but it does happen and the sex of adultery can be totally separated from the love of the marriage.

To sum up, sexual feelings are tied up with physical urges, erotic thoughts, orgasmic release, playfulness and sensuality.  Love is a complex, multi-dimensional emotion that involves a lot more than the senses and the physical body.  Even the most loving couples are capable of 'having sex' as against 'making love'.  Both are acceptable and pleasurable ways to express the relationship.

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