I get asked most about sex is it normal? This question
may be applied to a particular activity, fantasy, preference, feeling
or desire. What fascinates me about this is that the question
needs to be asked in the first place. It once again comes
back to the aspect of guilt that shrouds so many of our sexual attitudes.
I believe that it's because of poor education about sex, so let's
look at this concept of 'normal'.
What constitutes 'normal'
in modern society? Is it heterosexual sex? Is it the
missionary position? Is it the 'Saturday night special' between
married couples? It's like trying to classify a normal family
these days. How can we when diversity is so widespread?
We have to have a 'norm'
to judge things by, even if only so that we can see how far from
it we've deviated! But let's be clear on its purpose and not
measure ourselves, or our own success rates, by what everyone else
appears to be doing. For a start, none of us really knows
what goes on behind closed bedroom doors. Our quietest neighbours
may be the raunchiest and the ones we suspect of having wild times
may be deadly dull!
When I'm continually
asked on my radio show if things are normal, I say the best criteria
are these: Does it feel right for you? Is is harmful to you? Is
it harmful to others? Is everybody involved a willing participant?